Up In Flames Movie Review- Slow Torture Puke Chamber Vs. A Serbian Film
Why hello there again my good friends.
Today, I have made a decision. Oh yes. I’m finally going to do something I’ve always longed to do on a personal page.
I’m going to review 2 movies, side by side, compare their pros and cons, and give the general public an overall snapshot of the 2 together.
So recently, one of my awesome manbuddies posted a status on Facebook asking for some “fucked up films” to watch.
The obvious ones were listed, although I haven’t seen them all: Cannibal Holocaust, Hostel, Saw, Feed…. a few others which I really couldn’t be fucked going back to list them all. But anyway, it prompted me to do some searching around the interwebz for some REALLY fucked up movies.
My search at first didn’t really yield many results, other than The Tortured. Which by the way, is a really great film, but I’ll go into that another day.
Then the other day I was poking around thepiratebay.org, clicked on the most recently uploaded section, and there I found Slow Torture Puke Chamber. The name itself simply screamed something disgusting and distasteful, like sleeping over at your grandmas and blowing a load all over the fresh sheets in the spare foldout bed then never telling anyone about it. But you can see it in her eyes, ever since then. And you KNOW she knows. Anyway….
I decided to look up some information on this film. Well it’s only available on DVD on some very select sites. And they’re not even your run of the mill DVD wholesale websites either, so you can guarantee that you’d have no luck going into your local video rental store and asking for a copy. Even asking to have it ordered in for you would probably result in a firm “no”.
I even managed to find an interview with the creator of the film, Lucifer Valentine. Man, this guys into some sick shit. Not only is he a die hard satanist, he’s also into incest (via a sexual relationship with his since deceased sister) and he gets his rocks off on vomit. Let’s just say, that’s the last thing I’d want to use to lube me up on entry.
So, the girlfriend and I popped on the movie and sat back, relaxed with a nice hot cup of tea and… stared… at the atrocity…. as it unfolded before our very eyes.
Let me just say this. The movie has no plot. Ok, maybe the director wants you to THINK it has a plot. The main character (Angela Auberdine) is trapped in some kind of “nightmare world” due to trauma and abuse from her family and blah blah blah blah…. but REALLY what it is…. is a sad excuse for an hour and a half of naked women throwing up fake blood, drinking it again, throwing it up again, a guy fucking a baby (which was so obviously a plastic doll it was retarded) after cutting it out of it’s mother, then chopping it up and blending it and drinking it, then throwing it up, then blending it and drinking it again, then rinsing and repeating that about 5 times until the blender started smoking.
Seriously, if the thought of vomit makes you queezy, then this film will more than likely send you running to the bathroom. I’m very prone to having the urge to vomit when someone else does, so it took all my nerves to calm my gurgling gut.
Then on the other page, we have A Serbian Film.
So I discovered this movie while researching STPC, and one reviewer claimed that STPC made A Serbian Film look like Playschool. Well of course, I saw this as a personal challenge. Who am I to sit back and just take their word for it, without them making any substantial effort to compare the 2 movies in depth other than a sentence fit for the cover of a DVD?
Apparently A Serbian Film had to have nearly 5 full minutes edited out before it was allowed screening and classification for the general public in the UK. Or, it could have been America…. I don’t really remember. Either way, that’s a lot of screen time edited out that can take away from the shock factor the film was created to deliver. And honestly, I don’t want to miss out on anything that could rival STPC. So I made sure I got the full, unedited version as originally screened before having scenes cut.
Tonight, we once again, sat down and got cosy for a daily dose of the terrible.
Let’s just say, the movie starts off with a scene that kind of made me pitch a tent in my pants. Hmm, one would think it’s a ploy to suck you in and keep you glued in to watch the rest of the film in hopes of more tent pitching moments.
Although after that, it reeled off for about half an hour of pulling you head first into character backstory, deep plot line, and an overwhelming sense of the calm before the storm.
It revolves around an ex porn star, who is given the opportunity to make “one last movie” to give him the money he needs to take care of his family for his son’s entire life. He’s never really told exactly what he’s getting himself into, until he refuses to perform while being watched by an underage orphan girl.
Under the pretenses that he’s expected to do child pornography, he storms off. Things get back on track when he tells his wife he’s going to quit, and he goes in to see his boss, who (under the idea that he’s creating art) shows our little porn star a video of a very pregnant woman giving birth. The baby is taken by a large burly man who then, does the dirty deed of taking the poor things virginity in what he dubs “Newborn Porn.”
So, our porn star essentially gets drugged, made to perform lude and crude acts on women which include murder, wakes up several days later no fuckin’ clue what happened and then goes on a search to find out what did. Violent flashbacks combined with video recordings tell the story of what he did while drugged, and ends with a sadistic twist that honestly makes the Saw movies look like Bambi.
I won’t give too much away, as I’m not a fan of spoilers.
So let’s lay it down.
Slow Torture Puke Chamber
- If you’re looking for a film to watch that will make your stomach churn, regardless of lack of storyline, this is a good bet.
- If vomit, blood and urine turn you on, you’ll enjoy this movie
- While the blood is fake, the scenes where the actors are throwing up, drinking their spew then throwing it up again is completely real.
- All of the “torturous” scenes, except for the pregnant woman, were filmed as they happened. No one was forced to do it, it’s not a snuff film, but it would have taken some real guts (pardon the pun) to perform these roles.
- The whole film in itself is utterly disturbing and makes for a great way to scar your friends for life as revenge for something they’ve done to you in the past.
- There is no real plot, the storyline is sloppy and the movie, if it can be called that, is a very poor excuse for one.
- If you ate prior to watching it, or it while watching it, there’s a probability your food won’t stay down.
- Some of the scenes are really drawn out too long, way too tedious, and in the end you’ll just be waiting for it to be over.
- There’s just not enough explanation between scenes, it seems as if the creator just threw together whatever he could find and fused it all together into one poorly contructed presentation. In the end your mind is left wandering and confused, trying to make sense of it all. Even if you watched the 2 movies that come before it you still probably won’t be able to make any sense of it.
- Horrible acting (if it could be called acting at all).
A Serbian Film
- Great shock factor in several scenes, it will leave you gasping for more, then delivers.
- Well rounded plotline and story, with characters introduced and explained decently.
- Special effects are close to top notch, could come close to rivalling those in movies like Saw and Hostel.
- Great acting.
- Brings you to an orgasmic climax ending, which as soon as you go to say “I saw that coming.” It throws you a curve ball and knocks your 2 front teeth out.
- Banned in Australia. Hard to get a hold of and as far as I know the only country that has it on DVD is the UK, but the “cut” version.
- Contains subject matter and material that could be incredibly disturbing and offensive to many people.
- It’s from Serbia, with English subtitles. So if you’re not great at either language, understanding what’s going on could be difficult and take away some of the enjoyment of the film.
So!! In summary, it kind of goes like this:
If you’re looking for a film to whet your appetite for the disgusting and stomach churning…. well either film would suffice, but STPC would probably win out on the stomach churning part.
A Serbian Film would probably win out on the fact that it’s violence and gore will permanently leave scars on your brain, and leave you wondering what happened to society.
STPC would probably have your friends begging you to turn it off before A Serbian Film, which in any case could be a good or a bad thing, but A Serbian Film definately delivers more on just wanting to stick in until the end to watch what happens, through all the pain and suffering it will deliver.
Both films contain “Newborn Porn”, however while STPC’s is more gross and slightly sickening, the cries heard from the baby in ASF will send chills down your spine and definately borders on the scarily realistic.
Overall, My scores are this:
Slow Torture Puke Chamber- 3/10
A Serbian Film- 7/10
That is all for now, sleep tight folks 😉